He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
