I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
