It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.