is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.