Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues