i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.