she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."