You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
