Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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