An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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