Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
