I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
