Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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