I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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