I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
