your thong is hanging out like whoa
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
