oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
