we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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