Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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