I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
