i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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