Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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