The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
