What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
