Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
