I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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