Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You made out with two different species that night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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