He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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