It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
