You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
