Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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