Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
