The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
