the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
