dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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