Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
