I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
