I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize