She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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