We're facebook friends in real life
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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