I just threw up on my dentist
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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