The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
