He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
