If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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