to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
