Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
