Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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