Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
