Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.