Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.