he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?