I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
