ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
COCAINE IS GR8
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
