Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
