My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
