He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
