your thong is hanging out like whoa
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
