my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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