she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
