Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
