I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
