so explain again why im purple
no
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
