and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
