Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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