Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
