The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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