Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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