How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize