I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Buhtt sex?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
