I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
