I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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