im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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