am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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